Imagine being a 16-year-old kid and having 25 million viewers watch you suffer through complicated songs in musical genres that are foreign to you. Imagine having to listen to industry professionals insult your singing for months, while moronic radio DJs laugh about how you should be assassinated for the good of popular music. Imagine being blamed publicly for everything wrong with "American Idol" voting and with democracy as a whole. Imagine standing in the middle of a storm of controversy having strangers speculate that your race, your age, your hair color and your love of your family are responsible for your success.

It's little wonder that after being dismissed from "American Idol" on Wednesday (April 28), John Stevens admitted that he was somewhat relieved to be heading home.

"I think I grew into a man," says Stevens, soon to return to his life as a suburban Buffalo, NY high school student, of his "Idol" experience.

Normally harsh and frequently cruel "Idol" judge Simon Cowell touched on that maturation after what would turn out to be Stevens' final "Idol" performance on Tuesday night. Cowell declared that no matter how mean the judges or critics in the outside world got, Stevens took every insult with a placid nod and tacit acceptance.

Being a typical high school student, Stevens admits that he often considered firing back, but ultimately decided to take the high road.

"I think the thought had gone through my mind many times," Stevens concedes. "But I think that to be a man you have to hold that back and know how to hold that back."

It helps that the "Idol" finalists are kept away from the Internet and other sources of popular commentary between their time in the show's mansion and their busy schedule of rehearsing, performing and shooting Ford commercials. Just as he never saw the message board postings from his myriad fans, he never saw the vitriol of his detractors.

"They keep us pretty isolated," he says. "If we hear one person's negative comments, it's more likely that that will stick in our minds than any number of good comments."

After a particularly disastrous performance of "My Girl" several weeks back, rumors flooded the Internet that Stevens had attempted to leave the show only to get talked off the ledge by his fellow Finalists. He denies that quitting was anything more than a thought that flew through his head. He worked past his insecurities through conversations with his mother and with the "Idol" staff therapist Dr. Chris ("I think everyone did it at one point during the competition," he notes). Though he found contentment, the nervousness returned at times.

"When Jennifer [Hudson] got voted off, I felt that she deserved to still be there, so I felt guilt for still being there," he says of last week's controversial results. "And I guess America felt differently."

With a voting block that contained both giddy teenage girls and much older viewers who responded to his Rat Pack stylings, Stevens thinks he offered an alternative to the artificiality of the current pop music scene.

"I think my fans were looking for someone they can look up to and admire and have their kids be able to look up to someone and not have them be like Britney Spears," he says.

Despite all the talk of becoming a man, Stevens is now just ready to go back to being a high school student. Considering that he's already received many fan letters begging for dates and requests that he attend proms across the country, he knows things will never be the same.

"I'm grateful for the support and attention that I'm getting from my female fans and... any of my fans, really," he adds. "But especially the females."

Looking to the future, Stevens sees a potential recording contract and possible acting gigs. Looking to his "Idol" past, he has no regrets. Well, maybe he has one tiny regret.

"The only thing I'm upset about is that Big Band Week is next week and that's the week I'd be good at," he sighs. "Other than that, I have nothing to complain about. I am relieved. I am. Nothing to worry about now -- no stress, no panic -- it's nice."